12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Everything about him screamed your future.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
