I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
