I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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