so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
