Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize