We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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