Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i think i just lost a toe
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
