In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
