i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
