My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
