I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
