At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
