I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
