if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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