Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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