I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
