mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We got so high we made milksteak
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
