im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
