I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize