Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
