I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
