unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
