So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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