haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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