Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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