I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
