fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
