The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
