the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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