One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
