if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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