I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
