that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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