I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
