I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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