I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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