woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
