Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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