Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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