Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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