he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
