my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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