my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
