I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
