When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm having to shit out rocks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
