You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
