is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
