She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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