I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Pooping to opera.
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