Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
