Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
