I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
