Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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