im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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