apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
