glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
