i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
