Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
