Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
