Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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