Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
