I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
