Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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