you inspire me to be a worse person
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
