I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Randomize
