Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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