i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
