When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
