Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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