Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
