As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
