But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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