I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize