even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
